By allowing the other person to constantly rely on you to get their tasks done, they may be less likely to find reasons to do them the next time. An intervention can be a good way to help them understand their problems. You may also consider talking with your friends and family, so you don’t have to do it alone. Quit making excuses for them, covering up for them, and blaming others for their problems.

Feeling resentment

There are rehab and detox programs for them when they’re ready to change. Someone with an addiction needs to take accountability for their actions and take steps to improve their lives. This, of course, is harder if you insinuate that their behaviors are acceptable by blaming others.

• Being an enabler can take a toll on a person’s mental health, physical health, and overall well-being.
• They could say they’ve only tried drugs once or twice but don’t use them regularly.
• Instead, it’s determined by your emotional connection to a person.
• As with other behaviors, you can manage and change enabling tendencies.

Abuse

When they ask, you give them money without asking how they’ll use it. You let them get away with substance abuse because you know that calling for an intervention could upset them or even drive them away. If you don’t want to bother or confront an addicted person, you may be enabling them. It is difficult to compare an enabler and an abuser because they are two different things. However, enablers usually have good intentions that are misplaced, while abusers are typically trying to gain something over their victims. The behaviors of a codependent person and an enabler can often share similarities, but they are not the same.

• With financial dependency, a person might provide excessive support for another person, causing them to not face the full consequences of their actions.
• If you don’t want to bother or confront an addicted person, you may be enabling them.
• Often, enabling behaviors come from the desire to help a loved one.
• Or that it’s necessarily problematic to help an adult child pay an overdue bill here or there.
• For example, giving money to a loved one who uses it for drugs or alcohol, or covering for someone’s bad behavior, are forms of enabling.
• However, it is often because they think that things will get worse if they aren’t there for their loved ones in the way they think they need them.

Instead of learning to budget or manage their finances, the person becomes reliant on the rescuer, continuing the problem and creating an unhealthy dynamic. A person who engages in caretaking enabling provides constant care to another person in hopes that they can protect that person from harm. They might think, “It’s my job to protect him because we’re family,” but in reality, they’re shielding him from the consequences he needs to face to grow. Many enablers grow up in situations where they feel responsible for keeping the peace, solving problems, or making others happy. The psychology behind enablers often comes from a mix of past experiences, traumas, family dynamics, and personality types. The young adult spends their money on drugs or alcohol, and when they can’t pay their rent, the parent steps in to cover it.

Your loved one tends to drink way too much when you go out to a restaurant. Instead of talking about the issue, you start suggesting places that don’t serve alcohol. Your adult child struggles to manage their money and never has enough to pay their rent. Helping them out each month won’t teach them how to manage their money. If you believe your loved one is looking for attention, you might hope ignoring the behavior will remove their incentive to continue.

Trying to manage your own life along with others’ starts to wear down your reserves. The difference is that enabling takes helping to an extreme.

Taking on more responsibilities for them

Offer compassion, but make it clear that change is necessary. Encourage them to seek help, understanding that they resist or refuse treatment initially. Multiple discussions are needed, and working with a therapist for yourself provides strategies for approaching these conversations effectively.

An enabler is most likely to be a close individual, such as a family member or partner or adult children. This is due to their deep emotional bonds and sense of responsibility for their loved one’s well-being. They engage in enabling behaviors out of love, guilt, or a desire to avoid conflict, often believing they are helping by covering up or making excuses for the loved one’s harmful actions. Close relationships, such as those with family members or partners, lead individuals to engage in enabling behavior. This attachment causes them to overlook or excuse problematic behavior to maintain harmony or avoid conflict. Caregiving roles, dysfunctional family patterns, and power imbalances reinforce enabling behaviors, making it challenging to establish healthy boundaries.

An example of an enabler can be someone who supports another person’s alcohol addiction. For example, a parent who has been covering for their adult child’s substance use may suddenly face the reality when the child gets arrested or loses their job. While the intention is to help, this behavior allows the harmful cycle to continue and can lead to burnout for the caretaker.

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This is particularly the case if the funds you’re providing are supporting potentially harmful behaviors like substance use or gambling. The term “enabler” refers to someone who persistently behaves in enabling ways, justifying or indirectly supporting someone else’s potentially harmful behavior. There is a fine line between providing support and enabling. If your help makes it easy for a loved one to continue with their problematic behavior, you may be enabling them.

Set your boundaries and uphold them

Practice saying no to requests or offers of help that do not align enabling behavior definition with one’s best interest, and be prepared to enforce consequences if boundaries are violated. This is opposed to providing means and opportunities to continue engaging in self-destructive behaviors. You might feel depleted and blame the other person for taking all your energy and time.

Sacrificing or struggling to recognize your own needs

This might look like covering up their behaviors or lying to protect them. Parenting styles, like being overly protective or neglectful, and experiences of abuse can also lead someone to prioritize others’ needs over their own to avoid conflict or feel valued. While the parent’s intentions come from a place of love and protection, their actions unintentionally enable the child to avoid responsibility for their choices. When the term enabler is used, it is usually referring to drug addiction or alcohol misuse. Confronting your loved one can help them realize you don’t support the behavior while also letting them know you’re willing to help them work toward change. But these behaviors often encourage the other person to continue the same behavioral patterns and not seek professional help.

You may try to help with the best of intentions and enable someone without realizing it. Enabling doesn’t mean you support your loved one’s addiction or other behavior. You might believe if you don’t help, the outcome for everyone involved will be far worse.

A lot of times, people don’t realize that they are enabling someone because they think they are helping. One way to stop enabling a person with a mental health disorder is by first educating yourself on their condition. Desperate enabling causes stress and difficult challenges for everyone involved.

Generational trauma is one example—patterns like “family always takes care of each other” can be passed down in ways that discourage healthy boundaries or accountability. They often step in to fix problems, shield loved ones from consequences, or avoid conflict, even when it causes them stress or exhaustion. Enabling behavior is when someone unintentionally supports or encourages another person’s harmful habits or choices. Many people who are enablers may not be trying to be or be aware that they are enabling their loved ones. Enabling someone doesn’t mean you agree with their behavior. You might simply try to help your loved one out because you’re worried about them or afraid their actions might hurt them, you, or other family members.